Now, I can differentiate truly fresh uni from ‘fresh’uni, steer you away from shiokara or immediately spot an imbalanced curry, but a good ole’ American steak? Not so much. I had eaten at Steak 954 once before, but didn’t post a review as I was drunk as a loon on my first visit and didn’t think anyone would appreciate a review based on a hangover-fueled traipse through a doggy bag of cold leftovers.

In any case, we recently had overseas guests and they were craving something “American,” which to them meant steak, potatoes and ostentatiousness. Steak 954 has all three in spades. For out-of-towners, it is the holy trinity – it’s on the water, in a swank hotel with sexy folk, and has a jellyfish water tank.

The architecture magnifies the noise in the dining room and it can be disturbingly loud. Outdoor dining is really the thing here, but it was windy as hell and the interior dining room is very handsome, so we said wtf – damn the torpedoes, who needs eardrums anyway – I can always learn to sign.

The crowd? We were there on pro bowl weekend, which may have skewed the crowd, but it was still typical South Florida. A lot of needlessly expensive jeans with complicated pocket embroidery and conspicuous cleavage. I counted six guys with shaved heads and goatees within my immediate line of sight. Strip club chic. You get the picture.

Service in general was friendly, but disinterested. Our waiter seemed a bit defeated. Probably from fighting with the noise all night – I can just imagine that he had been shouting and lip-reading for hours before we sat down.

If you like to imbibe, order a cocktail to start. I like their Bayshore, which is a vodka, lime and ginger concoction. They also have a solid wine list.

First, the bread and butter were fantastic. Really. This may sound odd and pedestrian, and maybe we hit them at the right moment (we had a late reservation and were hungry), but damn was that bread good.

I ordered bacon-wrapped scallops, a Caesar, and a steak with a side of truffled potato gratin. Old school, baby. The bacon wrapped scallops were cooked and plated perfectly, the bacon was crisp and flavorful, but for whatever reason, the scallops weren’t that flavorful. I picked the bacon off of one of them to make sure they weren’t being overwhelmed and they were still a bit flavorless. May have just been too much going on on the plate. Enjoyed them though.

Ceasar was good. Honestly, I’m not sure why I ordered it. Maybe a sense of steak-house obligation. Dressing was mayo based with a nicely pronounced anchovy flavor and the greens were crisp and cool. Good, not great – should have snuck in another app.

I skipped the gimmicky menu items ($100 cheese steak), don’t know enough to appreciate an $80 Australian Kobe, and opted for an 18 oz rib eye ($48). My steak was great. For $50 it should be. It may have been slightly over salted, but I’m not salt averse, so I’m probably not the best to judge. I think the star of the table was the veal chop. 14 oz and beautifully cooked ($40). A salad of “baby” golden beets was extremely good as well.

I pushed mi esposa to order the branzino, but, for whatever reason, she’s always drawn to salmon. She ordered the organic Scottish Salmon dish and seemed to enjoy it, but it seemed a little mundane to me. The truffled potatoes came out piping hot, were very good and were topped with slivers of black truffle for show.

Final notes:

It is expensive but you’re really paying for the overall experience and paying a premium as the W is currently enjoying its moment in the sun. Just go knowing you’re going to drop some coin. If you are a steak purist and your focus is solely on the meat, I have a feeling you would be better served going somewhere else – perhaps Morton’s or Bova, etc.

Inside is LOUD. I mean really loud. I thought Kitchenetta was loud, but this was an entirely new level of obnoxious… My wife is soft-spoken, so no one heard anything she said the entire meal and even ordering was a bit of a challenge. We’ve eaten inside and out, and if the weather is nice, eat outside. We are “young-ish” meaning we are not prone to complain about noise, so this should tell you something.

The Valet area can be a madhouse on a weekend, but they manage it efficiently and professionally, so you should be fine. On future trips though I’ll probably just find a nearby side street.

The W is the flavor du jour in FLL, so if you haven’t been there, arrive early or plan on staying a little late to have drinks.

Struggled with the ratings here. Is it worth the money? Depends on what your end-goal is for the evening. Food vs. entertainment. If food, probably not.

The restaurants get no real publicity. The Fort Lauderdale Charity circuit is the same people at the same events year after year. The event is sold out a week in advance so there are no tourists, visitors or casual by passers attending. Its the same people that would be dining out on Las Olas if there weren’t an event.

Charities that “insist” that restaurants participate may be worthy charities, but the least they could do is try to be symbiotic instead of parasitic. When you have an event during the week you create foot traffic on a day that is normally weak. When you have it on a Saturday you cannibalize the Restaurant’s normal business. For an event that sells out anyway, there’s no reason to have it on a weekend. Its just arrogance on the part of the Charity Planners. Restaurants on Las Olas are always crowded on weekends. Meanwhile, all of the restaurants not on las olas get no foot traffic, and very little “publicity”.

Sure, its great for the shops. They don’t have to give anything away for free. It would be equally great for them on a Thursday.

The truth is that these events are becoming wholly boring. Same Art Show, Same Street Fair, Same Get Downtown. Same vendors, same bad food and wine, same people. Its Yawn city.